Tips for putting up Christmas lights

Tip #1: If you recently had surgery on your back... which is a major procedure... I would NOT recommend climbing 10 feet up a ladder.

Tip #2: If you are going to climb up the ladder anyways... don't do it drunk. At night.

Tip #3: If you are over the age of... say 65... don't climb up a ladder. I'm not discounting anyone for their age here, I'm a firm believer that you are not old till you feel old, but seriously, you've worked hard for 65 years... just hire someone to do it. And in all honesty, if you are over 65 I imagine that you would have better things to do than spend the next month in the hospital and miss the holidays, all for some sparkly lights.

Tip #4: If you are over the age of 80 and you climb 15 feet up a ladder, then I think that you should be worked up for psychotic behavior. I also think that the person who allowed you to climb the ladder should have to be hospitalized too.

Tip #5: If you are going to climb a ladder to put up lights... consider the medications that you are on, and the risks involved. Like Coumadin, a serious blood thinner. If your doctor told you to be careful brushing your teeth because you have a risk of bleeding, I would think that falling off a ladder would be a risk to bleed (badly) too.

Tip #6: If you are going to put up Christmas lights, don't stand on your kitchen chair that you have balanced in the gravel yard. Because the gravel will win, your lights will not get put up, and your holiday photos will show two black eyes and a swollen nose. Makeup can't cover that up!

Tip #7: I think the kid down the street would like to make an extra 10-20 bucks, so pony up the money and hire the kid. Because 20 bucks is cheaper than a month in the hospital, it will hurt a whole lot less, and you will be home to enjoy the lights and not spending your holidays with me... at the hospital.

Tip #8: All of these tips are also applicable to taking DOWN the Christmas lights.

Tip #9: If you don't want to follow these suggestions, and you think it won't happen to you, please try to remember these few things when you are a patient... 1. It can and will happen to you, eventually. 2. You climbed the ladder, not me... so don't take it out of me. I'm here to help you and care for you, and I will, if you let me.

Tip #10: Have a happy and safe holiday season... and who cares if the lights get up or not!!