Tattoo's and IV's

If there is one thing that I get a lot of experience in, it is starting IV lines. I often get called by nurses on my unit to start an IV, difficult or otherwise. Sometimes we are forced to put and IV in a foot... not our first choice, but if their veins are shot in their arms... we go for the feet. I've done it all.

I actually like putting IV lines in, but I don't just put them in for fun. I really only try if I think I have a good chance at getting the line in.

But a few pet peeves about putting lines into patients...

One... please don't tell me where to put the IV. I will a) think you are an IV drug user, if you know where to put it. and b) I will NOT put the IV where you "like" it best, I will PUT it were my nursing judgment tells me the best place is.

Two... if you are covered in tattoo's, don't tell me you are afraid of needles. Because I won't understand. And yes, I've gotten a tattoo or two. So don't play that card. I won't get it and I really won't try to... suck it up.

Three... If you have a tattoo, don't explain to me that a certain IV line might RUIN your tattoo. Because when we can't get a line in you to give you your Dilaudid and Ativan... guess you got to choose... the IV or the tattoo. Cause you can't have both.

And FOUR... the most obnoxious one on the list. I really don't want to start the IV between your tattoo'd ladies nipple and the snake tongue. So while I like starting IV's, this still seems a little over the line for me.
*In my head... tourniquet, check; gloves, check; IV setup, check; needle, check; alcohol, check; landmark... OMG... nipple and tongue.*

F this.